Staycation

by Miriam Colvin

ACT 1

SCENE 1

LIGHTS UP ON:

A New York City Apartment in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. There are messes all over the countertops, tables, and floors. Moving boxes overflown with things, dishes unwashed, dirty containers of food, and more. CHRISTINE and JOHN sit around the small kitchen table writing out a list on a notepad.

CHRISTINE

(reading off of list)

Vegetable Ranch tray, Crackers and cheese, a bottle of wine, 24 pack of beer, two bottles

of Tequila, Margarita mix, one bottle of vodka. What else?

JOHN

Cups. We need plastic cups to drink out of.

CHRISTINE adds “cups” to her list. Then all of the sudden, the front door swings open and DAD walks in. He immediately looks unhappy at the mess in front of him. JOHN and CHRISTINE become visibly nervous.

CHRISTINE

(overly happy)

Dad! What a great surprise! You weren’t supposed to come till next week!

JOHN

Hey Dad!

They both try to give DAD a hug, but he doesn’t hug back. He slowly walks around the house taking in all of the trash and filth around him.

DAD

(quietly)

You’ve had two weeks.

(much louder)

You’ve had TWO WEEKS CHRISTINE to pack this place up! Old food, dirty dishes,

overflowing boxes, paintings still on the wall! You haven’t even taken the magnets off the

goddamn fridge?!

JOHN

I can see how this may look-

DAD

(to JOHN)

And what are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here!

JOHN

Well, I’ve been staying with Christine this week to help out.... and it’s only a five minute

walk to work. I mean you know how the commute from Brooklyn can be!

CHRISTINE

It’s been hard, Dad, going through all of Grandma’s stuff. I don’t know if I’m ready....

emotionally-

DAD

I want all of this cleared out by tomorrow! And both of you gone!

MATTHEW walks into the living room wearing a matching pajama set. He sits down on the couch and yawns.

MATTHEW

(nonchalant)

Oh, hey Dad.

DAD

You’ve been staying here too?

MATTHEW

Yeah, I had a week of vacation days saved up. This is a great lil apartment. Grandma did

really well with the place.

DAD

What about Myra and the kids?

MATTHEW

Oh. I’m on an “important business trip” right now.

DAD

My god. You are all in your 30s!! Have I raised you to become a bunch of children?!

MATTHEW starts eating pizza from an old pizza box on the living room table.

You’re a father for Christ’s sake!

MATTHEW wraps himself in a blanket to get cozy. He puts his feet on the table and turns on the TV. Everyone watches him as he does this.

CHRISTINE

(whispering)

I’m really worried about him. He’s been like this all week. He barely even talks to us he

just watches that stupid TV.

Pause. They observe what he’s doing for a little while longer.

He’s even been sleeping in Grandma’s bed.

Dad’s face fills with rage.

DAD

Matthew Grayson Miller! You are disgracing this family’s name!

DAD starts throwing things around the kitchen into a trash can frantically. He aggressively puts the dishes into the sink.

Sleeping in my dead mother’s bedroom?! Have you all lost touch with reality? Nothing

but disrespect to my mother’s name. Your own grandmother’s home covered in dirt, filth,

and garbage.

He picks up the notepad on the kitchen table CHRISTINE and JOHN were writing in earlier.

“Party Supplies.”

Pause.

Were you planning on throwing a party here?

JOHN

Think of it as a sort of... celebration for Grandma, you know?

DAD

It’s clear that all three of you are in some sort of mid-life crisis and I’m not gonna sit

back and let it happen. Don’t bother coming to the funeral this weekend. I’m sure you can

grieve in your own twisted way.

DAD walks out angrily and slams the front door shut.

CHRISTINE

(defeated)

Well, we better start cleaning up.

JOHN

Do we still throw the party?

MATTHEW

Yeah.

CHRISTINE

Yeah of course.

END OF PLAY

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